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Can't Clip My Wings

by Nazneen Rahman

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Sarana
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Sarana These songs are snapshots of life's complexities, sometimes wistful, sometimes melancholic, always heartfelt. Favorite track: Lost Cause.
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1.
Running Wild 04:55
Oh since you’ve gone, I’m running wild. Oh since you’ve gone, I’m wasting time. I’m making all my sad excuses Blaming all the gods and zeuses I’m breaking every resolution that I make. I'm milking every smile and kindness Claiming sanctuary in the mindless I’m shirking all of my commitments, what a fake. Oh since you’ve gone, I’m running wild. Oh since you’ve gone, I’m wasting my life. You’d be so sick of my excesses You’d roll your eyes at my digresses You’d say that I was so much more than I’ve become. Could it be I’m just a reckless, feckless sham without you here? Could it be that without you, I’m no one. Oh since you’ve gone, I’m running from my life. Oh since you’ve gone, I’m running for my life. They all say that I’m grieving But I’m just angry at you leaving I want the world to scream out with my pain. Sure I could drag myself together Play like its sunny weather But if I do what of you would remain? Oh since you’ve gone, I’m running wild Oh since you’ve gone, I’m wasting time Oh since you died, I'm running wild.
2.
You ask me for a present, I offer you a song You say that that’s too easy Cos it won’t take me long. You ask me for a token I offer words of love You say that that’s too simple And no more than you deserve. But it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok That there’s nothing I can give you. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok Cos there’s nothing you will take. I ask you for an answer You offer me denial You flinch beneath my fingers You bridle at my smile. I ask you for a grievance You’re happy to provide You ice it with resentment I don’t even care, just it let slide. But it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok That there’s nothing you will give me. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok Cos there’s nothing that I want But I remember when you coaxed the buttons from my blouse You traced the lifelines in our palms You walked for miles to reach my house. And I remember when I had no fear If you were near and Everything in life seemed clear. Now we’re a mess of contradictions We’re a sump of futures gone We’re the shards of broken ceasefires And everything we do is wrong, Everything we had is gone, You and I we don’t belong, You and I we’re just wrong. But it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok That your keys are on the table It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok Cos I’ve already changed the locks It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok That we’ve nothing left to fight for now. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok Cos the bed’s already warm.
3.
Lost Cause 04:50
Why can’t you hear me? I’m talking quite loud. Is the voice in my head? Was it lost in that crowd? Why can’t you hear me? I’m singing it out. My lungs ache from the crying There’s no cause for doubt. And I’ve told you I’m sorry I’m not this girl. I’ve told you I’m trying Not to drown in this world. Why can’t you see me? I’m standing right here. Has the black of my shadows Made my face disappear? Why won’t you touch me? I’m lying so still. I won’t be any trouble When’s the next pill? And I’ve told you I’m looking Though it’s so very dark. I’ve told you I’ll keep searching For our bench in the park. And I long to taste the air outside this space To sense some warmth upon my face But I have no feeling. I just keep falling, I’m falling, I’m falling, Keep falling down. Why won’t you help me? I’m trying so hard Are you scared I’ll drag you under If you let down your guard? Won’t anyone help me? Why do you all pause? Can you sense in the ether That I’m a lost cause. But I promise I’m fighting No one could do more I promise I’m clinging on Though my fingers are raw Hush now, I’m talking I can’t say it out loud. Too weak even to whisper No strength to be proud. And you know that I’m sorry That I can’t try anymore You know I’m too crippled To swim to the shore Can anyone hear me?
4.
I hear him, before I go to sleep And focus on the day that’s been I realise he’s there when I turn the light off And turn over. Nobody knows about my man. They think he’s lost on some horizon. And suddenly I find myself, listening to man I’ve never known before. Telling me about the sea Oh he’s lost to eternity. Ooo he’s here again The man with the child in his eyes. He’s very understanding And he’s so aware Of all my situations And when I stay up late He’s always waiting But I feel him hesitate. Oh I’m so worried about my love. They say, no no it won’t last for ever. And here I am again, my girl. Wondering what on earth I’m doing here. Maybe he doesn’t love me I just took a trip On my love for him. Ooo he’s here again The man with the child in his eyes.
5.
They’re so beautiful, so colourful See how they light up all the room. Their scent seduces us to feel That perfection can be real. And you’re beautiful, as you laugh and kiss the air. As you ruffle the kids’ hair, So I smile and take the flowers. But it’s nobody’s birthday, today. It’s nobody’s birthday, Should I look the other way? Your hair is damp on this rainless day. Thank you for the flowers. It’s nobody’s birthday, My life slipping away, But there’s no way out for us today. So thank you for, thank you for the flowers. We were beautiful, so hopeful, We thought the world was ours. You lost your vows in that casual smile, I lost my heart in every child. But they keep us beautiful, Playing ball games in the park, But it gets chilly after dark, When I hear the whispered phone calls, But I don’t say a word. It’s nobody’s birthday, Can I look the other way? When your hair is damp on this rainless day, Thank you for the flowers. It’s nobody’s birthday, My life slipping away, But there’s no way out for us today. So thank you for, thank you for… The days and nights we share, And the million ways we care. Thank you for the perfect boys we made, But this pain won’t go away. Is it wrong to leave? Is it right to stay? Is it strong to leave? Is it weak to stay? What is this game? Who made the rules? Is there any way not to lose? They’re so beautiful, so colourful See how they light up all the room. But it’s nobody’s birthday. Today.
6.
When you told me I didn’t cry. I was wondering if those steaks I bought Would last another night. When you told me I didn’t scream or make a fuss. I was wondering how you rip in two A lifetime’s worth of us. When you told me I had nothing to say. When you told me I couldn’t look you in the eye I couldn’t bear to see the pity The absence of love’s light. I was sinking, I was drowning I couldn’t take a breath I watched the bubbles slowly fading Like it was someone else’s death. When you told me I had nothing to say. But you had plenty, boy’s on fire. But everything you say’s so tired: We don’t talk, we don’t make time I must have known that we’re not fine. You don’t feel needed, I’m too strong. We’re worth more than drifting along. We’re not working, you say it‘s clear We Don’t Speak of Her Do you really think it will be ok? Our lives, the lies, will melt away Can you really think I’ll pull us through? Take care of all the details Like I always do I’m not calm, this is numb, this is misery I can’t focus on the future Blinded by our history. Don’t you care that I’m broken, I’m lost That if I ever started crying, I would never Stop. So, when you told me, I looked the other way Cos when you told me I had nothing to say When you told me There was nothing Left to say.
7.
If I could travel through time Would I change the world Right the wrongs of human kind No, no, no, no I am too small Too inconsequential To make those journeys. If I could travel through time I know where I would fly To that warm Egyptian night. My head was resting on your chest And we’d synchronised our breaths Your heart was beating with my own I thought I’d never be alone. Oh no, no, no I did not know That on a winter’s afternoon You’d take your things and go. If I could, I’d rewrite all of our dramas I’d walk on by all of those charmers. I wouldn’t waste our precious days Being careless with your heart I would cherish your devotion from the start. I wouldn’t let your courage fail us. I wouldn’t let the years derail us. I would curb my waspish tongue. I’d remember how to laugh. Every day I’d show you we were meant to last. If I could travel through time I would say sorry, sorry, Sorry, sorry. I would say sorry, sorry Sorry, sorry sorry I would say sorry For all of time All of time All of time (ad infinitum)
8.
Is this a love song, I don’t know, But your unruly locks delight me. Is this a love song, I can’t say, I won’t say But the wrinkles round your eyes make smile. Lately I seem to find I am laughing all the time. I’m drifting in and out of days In a poppy-scented haze. And you are here, in scruffy clothes You crowd my space, then stroke my face. You are here, when I need you most You fire me up, then draw me close. Is this a love song, I don’t know, I don’t know But your unruly locks delight me. Is this a love song, I can’t say, I won’t say But the wrinkles round eyes make smile. Lately, it seems to me, I might have happened on the key. A boy, a girl, both thinking their luck is in That’s what it takes in life to win. And you are here, though I push you away I lose my cool, but still you stay. Yes, you are here, still it’s hard to believe, That one of us won’t someday leave It’s not a love song I don’t write love songs Is this a love song? I can’t say I won’t say Is this a love song? Please don’t make me say Cos I don’t want to lose all we have today. Is this a love song, I don’t know, I just don’t know But those wrinkles round your eyes……….
9.
I won’t be the one to disappoint you anymore. I know I’ve said all this and you’ve heard, it all before. The trick is getting you to think that all this was your idea. And that this was everything you’ve ever wanted, it’s right here. Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning. I’m not sure what’s truly altruistic anymore And every good thing that I do is listed and you’re keeping score. Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning. Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning. At least at I thought I was, but there’s no way of knowing Thought I was, but there’s no way of knowing. You know what it’s like when you’re new to the game, But I’m not. I won’t be the one to disappoint you anymore. I won’t be the one to disappoint you, no more, no more. Love’s not a competition, am I winning? Love’s not a competition.
10.
You play a love affair with life You stay and dance with every night. The moments from dawn to dusk you chase But I’m lost now, where do I stand In the race. You play to empty eyes in crowded bars I can’t believe we come this far Yet got nowhere What is there left for me in this? Every time you play it’s your first kiss. I’m not a pastime, I’m not your pastime Don’t play around with me. You cannot play me I’m not a melody.
11.
Can't Clip My Wings (free) 03:26
I walk alone, I stand alone I’m a one-way ticket Resilience is my home And I know it’s out of fashion Making selfishness a passion But a thirst to find one’s own light Isn’t something you can ration I might have stayed forever If you’d let me keep one foot in the door. You confused my lust for living With your fear of being bored So here I am again Flying solo round the world I take my time, I know my mind Not for me the old conventions I’m no production line I want a world that’s built on caring Just can’t take the over-sharing Being smothered by opinions of the masses Is kind of wearing But I might have stayed forever If you’d let me keep one foot in the door You confused my lust for living With your fear of being bored And here I am again Flying solo round the World is so inviting Don’t know why some find it frightening You’ve got to chase its endless riches It’s not a crime to be ambitious So many wonders to be learnt No time to stress about being burnt We’ve got to challenge broken systems We’ve got to try to make a difference Life’s a joyous helter-skelter But sometimes I need shelter Cos it’s just on and on and on And I might have stayed forever If you’d let me keep one foot in the door It’s not my fault you’re all running Scared of being ignored And here I am again, flying solo It’s my time again, flying solo Don’t clip my wings I’m flying solo round the world Flying, soaring, Flying, flying, striving, thriving Can’t clip my wings

about

Can't Clip My Wings is about changes. Life is a journey of changes - some are losses, some are gains. Some start as one and change to the other. Sometimes change scares us, sometimes it excites us, sometimes it does both. I find change hard. I'm guessing you do too. I hope these songs feel real to you and bring comfort if you are ever struggling with change. Nazneen xx

credits

released May 5, 2014

Music and lyrics by Nazneen Rahman, except track 4 (Kate Bush), track 9 (Kaiser Chiefs), track 10 (Sade)
Vocals and backing Vocals, by Nazneen Rahman
Piano and programming Joe Davison
Saxophone (track 10) by Haroon Taylor
Produced by Joe Davison for Auburn Jam Music
Album design by Nikki Davison for Auburn Jam Music
Photography by Andy Teo

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Nazneen Rahman London, UK

I sing stories to wonder and wander. To connect with the world and with you. Shared with hope and love.

If money is tight, email me, we'll work it out.

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